


forgiveness

by treesramblings



Series: twelve days of stuckony [10]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1990s, B.A.R.F. | Binarily Augmented Retro Framing, Bucky Barnes Feels, M/M, Men Crying, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28746081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/treesramblings/pseuds/treesramblings
Summary: Ten years after meeting and six years after escaping HYDRA, Tony finishes Binarily Augmented Retro Framing. The only thing left is for them to remove James's triggers.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: twelve days of stuckony [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2073828
Comments: 14
Kudos: 109





	forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sapphic_Futurist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphic_Futurist/gifts), [resurrectedhippo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/resurrectedhippo/gifts).



> bless my darling [blue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fundamentalblue), who lovingly betaed this for me. a true star.
> 
> for my wife hippo and my doll sapph, I adore you both beyond compare. thank you for loving me and helping me stay sane every day.
> 
> please enjoy!

“I think I’ve got it, Jan.” Excitement crawls like ivy over Tony’s skin, winding up and covering him with each passing second. The reflection of his eyes in the display is bright as he turns, vibrating, to face her. “Jan. I’ve got it.”

Janet’s smile grows, encompassing her face and shining like the sun. She bounces over to him, like her feet are made of pogo sticks, and shakes his arm. “Oh my gosh, Tony, are you sure? _Are you sure?_ ”

“Jan, I did it. Oh my—This is it. Jan—I—”

Janet races toward the door before the rest of the stilted words can leave Tony’s mouth. “I’m going to call Rhodey and Bruce! You need all the help you can get finishing this last part!”

The doors close with a sigh of air behind her, and the stillness of the lab is sudden, like a vacuum, taking the air out of the room with her. Tony’s knees buckle and he falls to the floor, grasping the table’s edge to catch himself.

Tears fall down onto the floor underneath him. His cheeks hurt. A sob escapes him, and his hand rushes to cover his mouth. Emotions swirl in an uneven vortex inside his body, and he squeezes his eyes shut, bending his waist until his forehead touches the floor.

“I did it, James,” he says. “I did it.”

* * *

He tells James on December tenth.

The blood drains from James’s face and the cup in his metal hand slips from his grip. Steve’s reflexes are all that keeps it from breaking.

“So this—What are you calling it again?” Steve’s voice fluctuates, high and low, his façade blank as a whiteboard.

“Binarily Augmented Retro Framing. I’m still workshopping the name, but it’s—We finished it last night. It’s done. We already tested it and it works perfectly. We can erase the triggers.”

“Right,” Steve says. He blinks, eyelashes fluttering up and down like a hummingbird’s wings, and then his jaw drops open, his eyes widen, and his hands begin to shake. “Bucky’s going to be…”

Tony nods his head, understanding without Steve even needing to speak the words, and steps closer to Steve to grab his hand. He turns to face James, and James is still rooted to the spot, like a stiff breeze will blow him over.

“James?”

James seems to awaken at his name, and he catches Tony’s eye, reaching out and dragging Tony into a tight embrace.

“I love you.” James’s voice shakes. “I love you, Tony.”

Tony holds Steve’s hand tighter and brings his other arm up to rest around James’s waist. Steve presses himself against James’s back until James is sandwiched between the two of them. “I love you, James,” Tony says. “Until the last star in the sky collapses.”

* * *

“I don’t want you two here for this.”

James’s voice isn’t _harsh_ , but it’s like the breeze before a blizzard, warning of imminent danger. Tony flinches.

“I don’t really have a choice, James,” Tony says. “Someone’s gotta be here to work the machine, and someone’s gotta be here to help bring you back if you get lost in a memory. I can do both of those. No one else can do it.”

James shakes his head, his eyebrows drawn tight. “Doll, I can’t—I don’t want you to see what I’ve done.”

“I know, babe.” Tony slips closer to James, his eyes downcast, and places a light hand on James’s belt. “But I have to.”

“And if Tony is going to be there, so will I.” It’s the Captain America tone that gets Tony, that has him leaning forward even more into James’s body. He closes his eyes, resting his forehead against James’s chest.

“No, punk. I’m not lettin’ ya see what I’ve done, either.”

“I won’t judge you, Buck. I’m not letting you do this without me.” Steve’s chest rubs against Tony’s back as he moves forward. Tony doesn’t even want to think of what Steve’s expression is.

James reaches out and wraps his metal arm around Tony’s waist, holds him close, and kisses Tony’s forehead.

“Steve.” James’s posture tenses as he speaks, arm tightening around Tony slowly. “Please. Do what I’m askin’ of ya. Don’t make me make JARVIS lock you out.”

Tony waits for the explosion, for the yelling and the fire swirling around him. Steve Rogers doesn’t back down, not for anything, and Tony knows he isn’t going to start now.

That’s why, when Steve speaks, Tony’s eyes shoot open and his body jerks. The pleading in Steve’s voice is so different than anything Tony’s heard before. “Please, Bucky. Don’t ask me to do this.”

“Stevie.” The hand on Tony’s hip clenches, once, twice—“Please.”

The air behind Tony’s back rushes out, swirling away from him in sweeping waves, and Steve’s voice wobbles. “Okay.”

The silence is loud between them for long moments, the tension rising like the early morning fog over a field, until James’s flesh hand cups the back of Tony’s neck.

“I don’t want you to be there either, baby.”

Tony presses closer, closer, closer, trying to bury himself inside of James, and shakes his head. “I have to.”

The tension uncoils all at once, James’s body snapping like a rubber band, relaxing against Tony in defeat. “Okay.”

* * *

They start the next day.

The lab is put into blackout, highest security mode. JARVIS commands an Iron Man suit, at James’s request, and positions it near Tony.

When James sits on the floor in the middle of the machine, Tony grabs the glasses and places them on James’s face.

“Nothing you see can hurt you, James. Nothing you see can hurt _me_. It’s all just in your head. I promise, we’re both completely safe.”

James swallows. “I trust you.”

Hours pass by of the two of them sifting through memories. Tony watches as James is strapped into the chair for the first time, as the very first trigger is input, and pointedly doesn’t look at the men around James’s body. James screams, both in the memory and in the present, and every muscle inside Tony’s body demands for him to help, to stop James’s pain, and there’s no torture alive worse than knowing he _can’t_.

After the first trigger is removed, four hours have passed. They take a break, calling Steve down and collapsing into a pile on the makeshift bed in the corner of the lab.

“You’ll get through this. I know you can.” Tony is sure of it.

The process continues over the next few days, and the emotional drain consumes every iota of their beings. Tony sits in his chair for hours, watching James be tortured under HYDRA’s command, and doesn’t stop himself from escaping to the bathroom when it gets to be too much for him.

It’s made all the worse for Tony, knowing that James is reliving each memory as if they were happening now.

Five days after the first trigger word is removed, they find the last command, and _Активировать Спутник_ is removed from James’s brain.

Echoing screams fill the air in the lab as James and Tony crawl over to the bedding, grabbing a blanket each and leaning against the wall. The ground and walls shake, and Tony can’t figure out how it’s happening, but he can’t seem to make himself care, either.

Nightmares will plague him for the rest of his life, of this Tony is sure. Watching James sit up from the chair, his chest heaving and face blank, responding to the trigger phrase as Tony’s father installed it into James’s brain—

The floor under him is dirty, littered with scuff marks from boots and his bots’ wheels. There’s an oil stain five feet in front of him.

Tony is over James killing his father. Howard deserved it: he was HYDRA, he committed treason against his country, he sold weapons to the highest bidder no matter the collateral cost.

Howard wasn’t going to stop. James had to kill him.

More time passes. When Tony looks over at James for the first time since they sat down, he sees silent tears falling down his cheeks.

“Why are you crying, babe?”

James shudders in a breath, and his hand reaches out to catch Tony’s, squeezing tight at the same time he closes his eyes. “I need ya to test them, Tony.”

Tony stills. He doesn’t bother asking if James is sure. “Солдат. Активировать Спутник. Mission report: December 16, 1991.”

The air quivers around them, waiting, like a balloon with too much air about to pop—

James smiles, blinding and bright and like every horrible thing in the world has ended. “’M finally free, Tony. I don’t have to worry ‘bout anyone controllin’ me anymore.”

Tony scooches closer, pulling James down and cradling him as he cries.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” Tony chants, running his hands through James’s hair. Absentminded, he drops kisses to the crown of James’s head. “I’m sorry you had to carry that burden all those years, James. I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner. I’m sorry I didn’t make this quicker.”

James pulls back, quick and sudden, and cradles Tony’s cheeks in his hand. His eyes are fierce for all they’re red-rimmed, and his eyebrows are drawn down low. “No, Tony. You of all people don’t apologize to me, doll. You’ve rescued me time ‘n’ time again. I should be grovelin’ at your feet for this.”

Tony breathes in, his lip between his teeth, and covers James’s hands with his own. “Baby, you never have to thank me for this. For _anything_ I’ve ever done for you. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Whatever you want, it’s yours. Forever.”

James ducks his head, a chuckle escaping him. “How ‘bout a kiss?”

Tony leans in, pressing their lips together with gentle pressure. James moves his hand down, catching Tony’s jaw, and deepens the kiss. Tony tastes saltwater on his lips as their tears meet into one stream.

They part, their foreheads resting together, and the exhaled air between their lips heats Tony’s cheeks.

“I’m sorry I killed your mom,” James says.

Tony is quiet for a long time, rubbing his thumbs up and down against the back of James’s hands. It’s been six years since Maria used James to kill herself, but Tony’s hindbrain has never been able to let go of the anger and blame he’s placed on James for it. It’s been an open secret that Tony has never forgiven him, and Tony has always noticed the sadness and regret shining through James’s eyes when James doesn’t think Tony is looking.

They’ve been together for ten long years, through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Maybe it’s time to move on.

Tony climbs into James’s lap, settling on his thighs, and leans back into James’s mouth, capturing his lips with abandon. He throws his arms around James’s neck, pressing them chest to chest.

“It wasn’t you, James.”

It’s the first time he’s ever responded and actually meant it when James has apologized for Maria.

“I still did it,” James says. He refuses to meet Tony’s gaze.

Tony tips James’s chin up, holding him in place until James looks at Tony, looks and sees, and Tony lets all the love and joy and happiness he’s ever felt for James play out across his face, tears building once again. “I forgive you.”

James _sobs_ , breaking instantly into these giant, chest-wracking movements that shudder his whole body. He sounds like a dying animal as he shoves his face into Tony’s shoulder blade, trembling and crying and lost to his feelings. Tony holds him close in his arms, and whispers it over and over, making sure James knows how honest and true the words are.

Tony’s anger has nestled inside his breastbone like a sleeping dragon for years, and Tony has been a slave to it like a Durin to the Arkenstone. James is finally free, is finally _James Buchanan Barnes_ and will never be _the Winter Soldier_ again. HYDRA’s clutches have been plucked from James’s brain, and the grooves left have been filled with love and devotion.

As he holds James’s shaking body close, the sound of the doors opening and Steve’s soft gasp reaches his ears. Steve comes over, shushing James and maneuvering them until James’s back is pressed to Steve’s front. Tony meets Steve’s eyes, and the gratitude and happiness in Steve’s gaze is enough for Tony to realize that letting go of his anger may well be the best thing he’s ever brought to this relationship.


End file.
